Earth doesn’t fit

Routine – it’s so comforting and so unsettling at the same time. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I want to thank it, and I want to banish it from my life. Earth revolves around routine, patterns, cycles, predictability. But sometimes no matter which way you try it on, earth just doesn’t fit.

My boots crunched frozen snow early this morning as I headed into work, the same way they crunched frozen snow as I left work tonight. Walking in with the sunlight glinting off the snow in an array of sparkles, I thought of how it would seem like no time before I was heading out over the same path in the shadows of the evening. Sandwiched in between my frosty walks from car to hospital and hospital to car is a day jam-packed with crazy and unpredictable. Sometimes. Sometimes it’s packed with mellow and predictable. But whatever it is, it’s packed, it’s routine – I’m used to both, so I can handle either. My days are routine, and I like having the assurance that I have a job to go to every day, where I’m getting to know the people and my role there, and things are, in a certain sense of the word, safe. I’m periodically fascinated with the sense that there can be so much change in someone’s life, yet the feeling of settling in and adjusting is so natural. Eventually something that was so foreign can become so familiar. Conversely, I’m fascinated with the thought that even within a sense of regularity, there can be a trapped feeling, like I am not supposed to be here, I’m supposed to be somewhere else. And what am I doing in this rut anyway?

.     .    .

In my predictability I feel safe, but I long for something else. It reminds me of that verse in Ecclesiastes, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts…I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives.” It also brings to mind some of the lyrics in the hymn Dear Lord and Father of Mankind, “Drop Thy still dews of quietness, till all our strivings cease; take from our souls the strain and stress, and let our ordered lives confess the beauty of Thy peace.” Routine is peaceful sometimes, but routine can be stressful. In a routine or out of a routine, I want to experience God’s peace that passes understanding. Whatever seems good, whatever seems bad, whatever seems boring, whatever seems exciting, whatever seems safe, whatever seems scary, whatever challenge might come in front of me, can’t compare to the joy that’s coming. Whatever is sad, whatever is happy, whatever is horrific, whatever is splendid, it’s all just “the dark before the morning.” So as I crunch in and out of work during these cold winter months, as I crunch in and out of life and the stages it brings, whether I’m enjoying it or not, I’m always happy to remember it’s not forever.

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Funny things Carla says

There are several things that make life with Carla fun. She is predictable in an unpredictable sort of way. You can count on crazy, but you never know what it’s going to be. “Don’t make me smell that, it will make me throw up and I’m in a state of upheaval right now,” she said tonight as I exercised my cruelty and hand of force to make her to smell a tupperware container of black beans that had been in our fridge for about a day too long. I succeeded only in getting her to take a whiff, then her pen was promptly jetted at my arm. “Ugh. Throw the pen at me,” she said, so I jetted it back in a similar fashion. What? She asked for it.

Carla says things like “I’m in a state of upheaval right now” regularly. She’s pretty entertaining. She says things sometimes that seem crazy, but strangely make complete sense, such as “Karen I was listening but I didn’t hear you.”

There are a few little quirks about Carla that are worth noting. For one thing, I’ve never known anyone to make it out of their car and up a flight of stairs as fast as Carla. When I hear her drive in, literally five seconds later she’s bursting through the door. Record time. I honestly don’t know how she makes it out of the car that fast – and when she walks through the door she has her coat, her workout bag, her book bag and some other random bag of lesson plan stuff in tow. I think she secretly drives around with all her stuff strapped to her so she won’t have to waste time shuffling around for it once she parks, and dropping it as she makes her way up the stairs. Efficiency. I told her this once, so now whenever she walks in the door I say “record time.” Actually, most of the time she says “record time?” Because that’s another thing about Carla. I point things out that I find entertaining about her, then she latches onto them and brings them up herself from then on. I point out something once and she’ll remember it for a long time. I think it’s almost like a standard – or a challenge – that she lives up to from then on. She embraces it. Maybe she’s trying to set a new record every time she shoots up those stairs.

Carla came out of the bathroom tonight and said, “I’m cleaning the bathroom sink. Sometimes I just clean randomly.” That was actually extremely appropriate, because not only does she sporadically clean random spots in our house, but her methodology is pretty off the wall. When she was done I went in the bathroom to wash my hands. There was nothing on the counter, so I scanned the room for the hand soap. There it was, perched on top of our tall cupboard. Where were the toothbrushes? On top of the hamper. Where was the dish of bar soap? In the kitchen next to the canister of flour. Yesterday I found a bag of leaf lettuce in our pantry. You know, normal.

One HUGE bonus about Carla is that she laughs at herself. I love so much that I can point these things out and she laugh harder about them probably than anyone else would. Many times it turns into a ridiculously ridiculous running joke that no one would even get except for us, but that’s the great thing about inside jokes – and sisters. I’m allowed to make fun of her because I’m her sister, though. If you try to laugh at her I’ll beat you down.

Easter Sunday Randomness

Our special sister relationship at its finest.

Initial

Hey! This is the Karen you previously knew to blog at kdeross.blogspot.com – “To Reflect: To think deeply or carefully about.” I’m not new to blogging, but I wanted a new look and more consistency. I tend to let things die out, so I’m not saying this will last very long, but I thought if I started a new blog I might be motivated to keep at it and come up with some fresh new thoughts. I am going to list my goals for this blog – made public so as to ensure some level of accountability. I want this to keep me writing, since I love it. I don’t know why it is that even if you love something, sometimes it’s like pulling teeth to sit down and actually do it.

GOALS

#1- To post at least three times a week.

#2- To try some more creative writing prompts, stuff that is a little outside the box for me. (Readers, feel free to make suggestions!)

#3- Not to wear my heart on my blog page – it’s a standard I have… so I don’t know if it counts as a goal but what the heck.

#4- To tell more simple stories rather than rants about my opinion or insights into the latest verse I read. (I don’t want to eliminate those things, just lessen them a bit.)

#5- To generate feedback and a smallish community of followers.

 

If you’re interested, you can check out my old blog site at www.kdeross.blogspot.com and see what my previous stuff was all about. So here’s to new.

Enjoy!