Turn the page or go to sleep

 Why do I insist on holding my eyelids up when they want to plunk down with great force? Sometimes, I lay my head back on the pillow, close my eyes, and if sleep doesn’t take over in ten seconds, I heave my eyelids open again and look at the page. Still. The same page that I’ve been looking at since I crawled under these covers. For what purpose, I cannot tell you. Maybe my determination to lose sleep comes from a my old sense of responsibility to reach goals with my reading. Let me ‘splain.
It used to be a point of pride with me that I ALWAYS finished whatever book I started. I don’t know when that changed, but my pride has taken quite a tumble because I can’t even tell you how many books I have by my bed whose first few chapters are the only I’ve graced with my eyes. OK fine I can tell you – it’s four. But those are just the ones by my bed. I tend to read in moods. There is a children’s book (Five Little Peppers and How They Grew), a spiritual food book (Erasing Hell), another spiritual food book, well, more like spiritual steak (Knowledge of the Holy) and a book of short stories (True Stories of Great Escapes). That last one maybe doesn’t count, though, because I usually read an entire short story at a time. Success! I guess after my pretentious college years when I thought of myself as such a scholar, full of wit and wisdom, real life set in, whatever that is, and now I admit that I am a chronic book-starter-but-not-finisher-for-a-long-time. For real, though. Maybe it’s a phase that will pass. I hope it is. I remember I started Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and read about two thirds of it, but it was strangely written and I never finished it. I’m a little sorry about that, because I actually liked it. I wanted to watch the movie, but never could commit to viewing it without finishing the book. I might finish it one day. Why do I torture myself!? I’m depriving myself of the end of the story on paper and the interpretation of the story on the screen. That’s just silly silliness.
I also have a distaste for poorly written books and shallow fiction, so if you were going to suggest a cheesy Christian romance series, just don’t. Maybe I’m too snobby. Maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I’m too closed-minded. Maybe I need to make a list of classics to read. Or maybe I need to shut my computer and my mouth and pick up one of these unfinished books by my bed.
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